Sacrifice

I have been reminded the past few weeks of the challenge God gave me when He told me to commit to internship.  He challenged me to embrace SACRIFICE.  At the time I didn't understand the fine-print of what internship or sacrifice would look like, but the picture is now unfolding before me... 

Sacrifice the closeness of family  -- I was reminded of how I miss one of my dear cousins; how I'll see her only three times this year, maybe less.  Same with the rest of my family, unless they come down to visit. 

Sacrifice the security of salary  -- I have NO CLUE where my rent money will come from for next month (or the rest of the year) other than the fact that God WILL provide.  And the fact that I'm basically helpless (apart from God) because I have no means or option of supporting myself.

Sacrifice convenience -- I have been daily reminded of the luxury running water is.  Several pipes burst on campus during the cold spell in early January and my apartment still has no running water after almost 3 weeks.  Thankfully my roommates and I can go to other apartments or the dorms to do dishes, take showers, etc.  I have been counting my blessings!

Sacrifice selfish desires and pride -- Oh, the joys of living in community!  Friction and confrontation are unavoidable.  I can try to hide in my fears, but it won't be long before I must deal with things.  Community living forces me to humble and submit myself, not allow myself to be offended, and put others needs and desires above my own. 

Sacrifice independence and control -- I was reminded that I no longer have complete control over my life.  I must follow schedule, submit to authority, report my productivity, etc.  Sometimes the rules insult my pride and independence.  But that pride has to go and I know if I really apply myself, great character will be formed in me this year. 


The truth is, all these realities I will experience in even greater measure when I become an overseas missionary -- what I've always dreamed of.  I will be far, far away from my family for years; I will have to trust God for much more than a few hundred dollars; I will surely live with unreliable water and power sources; I will be living in community of some sort that may not be as loving and gracious as this; and I will never have complete control over my life as long as I follow HIM! 

The funny thing is, I have to keep reminding myself that I AM a missionary! This isn't only training for the mission field, this IS the mission field and I am a missionary here and now!

I am so encouraged because God is doing a GREAT work in me.  I can feel it!  My faith is more tangible than ever because I am desparate for Him.  I am literally dependant on Him for everything, every day.  I can't wait to share with you all the testimonies of the provision and the miracles He is going to do!  You can't have a testimony without a test...  So as long as I persevere, I am bound to have a testimony.  :)


The Musicianary Midwife (in the grinder....)
Hannah Garrett